Podcast

Rosalind Sedacca is a consultant with decades of experience in helping couples protect their children before, during and after divorce. She talks with host Stacy Francis about how to do divorce right when you have children. She discusses the 6 keys to tell your kids about your impending divorce in the right way, and how to avoid the common mistakes couples make during divorce.

• Rosalind’s son was 11 years old when she divorced. She remembers being very concerned about his emotional well-being so she came up with a unique way to break the news to him. Her process worked: her son was in his early twenties when he said thanks to her for how she helped him. This made her realize that she could share her approach with other parents. She founded the Child-Centered Divorce Network and became a divorce & parenting coach. She also wrote her signature book, How Do I Tell the Kids About the Divorce? [3:15]
• The D- word (divorce) is a huge, frightening thing for children of any age. [5:41]
• Divorcing couples can tell their kids about their divorce by creating a picture book of cherished family memories, and sharing these key messages:

1. They are never at fault no matter what’s going on;
2. This is about change, not about blame;
3. We will always be a family, but now we will be living in separate houses;
4. We will always be your parents, and we will always love you;
5. You are and will always be safe;
6. Things will work out ok. [7:00]

• Parents are prone to making mistakes when talking about divorce with their children because when they get emotional and contentious with one another, they may inadvertently do and say things that are hurtful to children. Rosalind says that there are ways of addressing all the challenges of divorce in a way that protects and supports children as they grow. [10:50]
• Rosalind shares how to avoid the common mistakes parents make during and after divorce when they’re co-parenting. The biggest mistake of all, she emphasizes, is using your child as your confidante. When you confide in your child, you are making them privy to adult information they have no business knowing. Their young brains cannot handle this kind of information; moreover, they are helpless to change anything. They can never again be the carefree, happy children they were before they had this adult information. You are, in effect, robbing them of their childhood. [11:43]
• To this day Stacy remembers a mistake her mom made 30 years ago. Stacy felt like the world just stopped at that moment. [16:59]
• Conscious, caring parents protect their children’s well-being during a divorce. They must also choose conscious, caring professionals who are family-oriented because these professionals are going to have a big influence on them. Divorce as a parent goes on for the rest of your life. [20:00]
• Ask yourself, do I love my children more than I hate my ex? You are role models to your children. They are watching and learning from what you do: your example shows them how to handle challenges in life, and how to move through and be successful. [25:04]

ResourcesFind a directory of tools and resources at ChildCenteredDivorce.com Book: How Do I Tell the Kids About the Divorce?

Contact Stacy FrancisStacy@Stacyfrancis.com212-374-9008

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